Here’s Why Many Single Women Have a Thing for Married Men

A look at the flip side of the Ashley Madison debacle.

August 2015 was a rough month for love. Hackers released data from AshleyMadison.com, a dating site created specifically for married people looking to cheat on their spouses. With more than 32 million users' identities revealed, it’s reasonable to get the icky sense that all men want to cheat. But of course, that would ignore the fact that anyone can stray—regardless of gender or sexual orientation—and that it takes two for a married person to cheat. So is there something about a wedding ring that makes a man seem nicer, smarter, funnier, and just overall more desirable?

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A few experts on love and marriage explain why a taken dude can seem so much hotter.

If women’s most cliché complaint about dating men is that they resist settling down, it figures that we’d be attracted to someone who has signed up for a legally binding romance. "He has a demonstrated capacity for commitment," says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.

Of course, there's a big problem here: If he’s willing to cheat with you, there's no guarantee that he won't cheat on you, too.

Statistically speaking, “married men are more likely to be educated, more likely to be working, to have an income, to be responsible,” says Scott Stanley, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and coauthor of Fighting for Your Marriage. Anyone can get married, but it still feels like a very adult thing to do; the guy presumably has his sh*t together. “When a single woman is used to seeing guys who play video games and live in their mother’s basement, then the married men look attractive because they’re actually accomplishing things.”

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A married guy can’t get too close to you, which may be a good thing if you’re the one who has trouble opening up. “A single woman may be attracted to a married man because she isn’t ready—or wanting—a committed, long-term relationship at the time,” says Orbuch. “She selects a man who isn’t really available to her.” Put another way, “It’s a relationship that’s guaranteed not to work or at least is less likely to work,” says Stanley.

If a married guy flirts with you, texts you, or sleeps with you, he’s taking a major life risk to be able to enjoy your company. “Part of the intoxication is: 'This person’s married, so I must be really special,'” says Rachel A. Sussman, a licensed clinical social worker, a New York-based therapist, and a relationship expert. It's easy to tell yourself, “He’s got a lot to lose, but he’s choosing to be with me.” It’s a huge rush for your self-esteem, which suggests that the single participant may be feeling a bit insecure to begin with.

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The stakes of an affair are incredibly high. You could destroy a marriage, maybe even a family, with one phone call to his wife. “It could be someone who’s attracted to drama,” says Stanley. “They like toying with the situation.” Sussman mentions the endless HBO-level drama of will-they-or-won’t-they leave their wife. “People who are prone to drama, they don’t like the mundane relationships,” she says. “They enjoy the clandestine feel of an affair.”

There's nothing like dating a string of losers to make you feel like there are no more decent fish in the sea. “It’s that saying, ‘All the good ones are taken,’” says Stanley. “As a single woman gets older, she may struggle with that.” It can feel unfair that some other woman snapped up your soul mate back in college, never giving him the chance to meet you.

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It does sometimes happen that a married person stays with their partner in infidelity. Consider Prince Charles and Camilla, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian, and of course, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They’re simply compatible. Even if the new couple doesn’t last forever, their pairing may have helped the married person escape a situation that wasn't working. “If you’re in a loveless marriage and there’s no sex, no passion, then you may already be considering leaving,” says Sussman. A mistress cushions the blow of divorce. It’s just one of the many motivations for having an affair—or participating in one.

How Getting Breast-Reduction Surgery Changed My Life for the Better

“I was tired of people seeing my I cups before they saw me.”

People used to make fun of me for not having any boobs. In middle school, while all of my friends were graduating to underwires, I was stuck in a training bra.

It sucked. But then, the seventh grade hit, and I started growing a cup size every year—until I had ballooned to a 34I by the time I graduated college. Yes, an I. Unfortunately, boobs do come that big. And mine had.

With about eight to 10 extra pounds hanging from my chest—seriously, try strapping a kettlebell to yours and see how you do—my shoulders were perpetually hunched, my back hurt, and I felt more awkward than I had as a flat-chested middle schooler.

Bra stores constantly told me that they didn’t make bras big enough for me. Eventually, I was able to find one boutique bra store that did sell bras in my size. But they set me back 90 bucks a pop. Meanwhile, I had to buy extra-large shirts so that they would stretch over my breasts—but the rest of my body swam in the extra fabric. I hated wearing swimsuits. Really, there wasn’t anything I didn’t hate wearing. One look at me, and your eyes went straight to my breasts.

Amy Niederberger Weiss

Deciding to Downsize
For two years, I debated having breast-reduction surgery. Just in case, though, I made sure to mention to my ob-gyn during every visit that I experienced back pain because of the extra weight. She documented it each time, explaining that, if I ended up deciding to get the procedure, being able to show that back pain was an ongoing problem would be vital to getting it covered by insurance.

Then, in 2009, at 22 years old, I decided it was time. I knew that breasts could grow up until around that age, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t get a reduction and then end up needing another one in five years. But at the same time, I didn’t want to wait so long that my back problems became debilitating.

RELATED: 11 Weird Facts About Your Breasts

My ob-gyn referred me to a plastic surgeon who then took a barrage of topless photos of me to send to my insurance company, along with paperwork so that, in the end, a good 98 percent of the procedure would end up being covered by insurance. My plastic surgeon explained that since the surgery would be so dramatic, I would likely need to have liposuction under my armpits—and insurance wouldn’t cover that. I ended up getting the under-arm lipo anyway.

Before surgery; Amy Niederberger Weiss

Designing the Dream Girls
Since I—somehow ironically—worked at Victoria’s Secret for several years during high school and college, I knew that I wanted to come out of surgery with C-cupped breasts. Still, my plastic surgeon recommended that I do some recon by checking out porn sites. Seriously!

So my boyfriend, best friend, and I sat down one night and spent hours combing through porn sites. “Do you like her boobs?” “These ones are nice, but they are a little wide-set.” “I want your nipples to be bigger than hers.” The conversation was ridiculous and hilarious. We still laugh about it.

I printed off pictures of my ta-tas of choice and brought them with me to the hospital on the morning of my surgery. Sitting in the operating room waiting for things to get started, the anesthesiologist saw I was holding some paper and was like, “What’s this?” When he grabbed the paper and looked at it, his face was priceless. The page was filled with pictures of naked breasts.

Surgery, Recovery, and Sponge Baths
I was out during the entire surgery, so I can’t really say much about the procedure itself. But when I woke up, I was shocked at the time. The surgery was supposed to have taken four to five hours, but it ended up taking seven because of all of the tissue that had to be removed.

In the recovery room, I was swollen and wrapped up in gauze. Under my breasts, two drainage tubes ran beneath my skin like built-in underwires. At the ends were little plastic bags that would collect blood and puss for the next week.

I don’t usually get sick from anesthesia, but since I was under for so long, I spent the rest of the day throwing up and having the nurses give me anti-nausea meds. There was an option to have the surgery done as an outpatient procedure, but I don’t know how anyone could possibly leave the hospital a couple of hours after getting out of surgery. I stayed there for one night.

I’ve also had people tell me you can go back to a work within a week of having breast-reduction surgery. They lie.

After breast-reduction surgery, you need someone around to help you with routine tasks for at least the first week. You literally cannot lift your arms more than about six inches from your sides because those muscles are so weak. So if someone left a plate on the counter, I couldn’t reach it. Friends, family, and my boyfriend had to wash me. It took two people to get me through the shower, as I sat on a plastic shower bench. I couldn’t get the incisions or drainage tubes wet, and I couldn’t raise my arms. At night, I slept propped up and wedged between pillows so I wouldn’t roll over on my tender breasts.

After about a week, the doctor pulled out the drainage tubes, and then, a week later, he helped me get into a sports bra. I got one that had a front-zip closure, which was really helpful since I couldn’t raise my arms. I wore sports bras for the next couple of weeks until my doctor said I could start wearing underwire-free bras.

The stiches were all internal and dissolvable, so luckily I didn’t have to worry about getting them taken out at any point. Although a few did end up poking out through my skin, so I had to visit the doctor to get those removed.

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My doctor also gave me jelly strips that I placed over the incisions to help prevent scarring. I wore them every day for about a year. It probably took a good year and a half to two years for the scars to fade to the point they're at now. The only scars you can still see are under my armpits from the liposuction, and they are really minimal. You can really only see them when I’m in a swimsuit.

Amy Niederberger Weiss

My Life as a C Cup
Apart from deciding to marry the man that helped me pick out my new boobs, having the breast-reduction surgery was the best decision I ever made.

For one, my back pain is completely gone. Sleeping, walking around, and just living is so much more comfortable. I don’t hurt every day. And now, I can work out without enduring horrific pain. I’ve gotten really into yoga, and I can’t imagine doing half of the poses with my former I cup breasts.

But most importantly, I feel more like “me.” My breasts are part of me, rather than being what I lead with. People aren’t constantly gawking at my chest. People now see me before they see my boobs, and I feel so much more confident as a result. Plus, it’s awesome being able to wear clothes that actually fit and buy pretty, lacy, pink bras for once.

Amy Niederberger Weiss

I am a little nervous about whether or not I will be able to breastfeed whenever I do decide to have children. During breast-reduction surgery, so much tissue is removed that some of the mammary glands can actually be taken out, reducing the amount of milk you can produce. Plus, the surgery can reduce nipple sensation, making getting the milk out more difficult. Luckily, the sensitivity of one of my nipples hasn’t changed since the surgery, which bodes well for my chances at breastfeeding (as well as my enjoyment of other pursuits). But in the other, the sensation is a bit wonky. If you touch my nipple, I feel it in another part of my breast. Apparently, some wires got crossed during the surgery.

RELATED: The Crazy Stuff That Happens to Your Boobs When You Have a Baby

I’m definitely glad I got the surgery, though. If you're considering a breast-reduction procedure, talk to your doctor about your concerns. Talk to others who have had the procedure about their experiences. You’d really be surprised how common it is. And more and more women are going under the knife for a reason: because it can change your life.

13 Thoughts That Go Through Every Woman's Head During a One-Night Stand

He didn't make his bed. Now you get to lie in it.

Nothing encapsulates both the freedom and horror of being single quite like a one-night stand. When you don’t know where the night will take you, sometimes the answer is a studio apartment with a futon owned by that one hottie with a beard who happened to be in line behind you at the bar. As you get your thang on with a random person, your brain is along for the ride, providing valid (but often ignored) commentary.

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1. Is his name Darren or Derek? Or David? Sh*t.

2. I wonder if he’ll notice if I sneak off to the bathroom to trim my bikini line real quick.

3. I am. So glad. I’m not showering here.

4. I really hope I have a condom at the bottom of this giant purse...okay, phew.

5. I gotta start meeting guys at book clubs or something.

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6. Whoa. Those are some bucket list abs.

7. Can we just have sex before I have to ask about that action figure collection? Thanks.

8. Please tell me he doesn’t sleep on that pile of laundry.

9. I cannot wait to tell my friends about this.

10. Really, dude? Five cats?

11. Somehow, cosmically, my ex-boyfriend is going to find out about this and be jealous.

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12. Please let his penis be normal. Please let his penis be normal.

13. YAS! SEX!

All gifs via via GIPHY

Healthy Eating 101: Snackable Tips for Busy Moms

Teaching children healthier eating habits is not only essential to their growth, but lays the foundation for a lifetime of smart choices. Back to school is a great time to start fresh and instill good habits in your kids for today, tomorrow, and beyond. Hormel® Natural Choice® makes it easy with these creative, bite-size tips for success.

1. Encourage a Young Chef
Sit down each week and create a menu with your kids, allowing them to be a part of the decision-making process. They’re more likely to eat a lunch they helped plan.

2. Spend Quality Time in the Supermarket
Good eating habits begin at the grocery store. Tap into their adventurous side by allowing kids to scour the aisles to find items off a pre-made checklist, such as bread, their favorite Hormel® Natural Choice® deli meat, fruits, and vegetables.

3. Make It a Teachable Moment
Explain why you’re choosing whole-grain bread, buying fresh fruit instead of canned, or how protein helps support muscles to help kids understand the basics of nutrition.

4. Make Good Food Accessible
Keep healthy snacks like dried fruits and nuts in easy-to-reach places for a quick snack. For a more substantial choice, kids can also pile up folded slices of Hormel® Natural Choice® deli meats and cheese on crackers.

5. Think Kid-Size Portions
Don’t overwhelm kids by sending too much food. Small portions of cut-up apples, carrot sticks, and other fruits and vegetables will add just the right amount of variety.

6. Dial Up the Protein
Protein keeps you—and your kids—feeling full longer. Skip the jerky and choose healthier options like preservative-free Hormel® Natural Choice®.

7. Do the Math
Follow the 80/20 rule, which means 80 percent of the time, eat healthy, balanced meals and snacks, but allow 20 percent for those must-have indulgences like family pizza night and after-school ice cream.

8. Skip the Sugary Drinks
Pack water, natural juices, and low-fat milk instead of sugary sodas and fruit punches. For an extra special treat, send chocolate milk.

What It's Really Like to Be in a Sexless Marriage

It’s been over a year and counting.

This article was by Nora (not her real name), a 45-year-old in San Diego, as told to by Aviva Patz for Prevention.

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary, and we haven't had sex in a year. You read that right: a year.

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Even when I first met Dave, we didn't have the fiery kind of passion I'd had with previous partners. But frankly, that's what attracted me to him. The other guys I'd dated were rock star/poet/alcoholic nightmares, and things had always ended badly. It was nice to be with one of those guys who goes to work, goes to the gym, and comes home—someone I could trust and depend on. We did have sex, but it wasn't the tear-your-clothes-off-on-the-bathroom-floor sex. I was okay with it being different physically because I valued the emotional connection.

When we got married, we were doing it at least once a month, sometimes more. Then, after our first child was born, the dry spells got longer and longer. I had gained 54 pounds and had a C-section, and Dave was traveling three weeks out of the month. I was focused on our baby, so I didn't miss our closeness, and eventually this lack of physical intimacy just got institutionalized. It became the new norm.

Now, Dave doesn't ever complain about the fact that we never have sex, which has made me worry over the years that maybe he's cheating. I've checked for hidden e-mail addresses and Snapchat accounts, and there aren't any. I think he's just not a sexually driven person. Even when we have sex, it's not long or strong. It's not passionate. It's over in three minutes.

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The worst part of a sexless marriage is that it makes me feel unattractive and unloved. And as I close in on 45, that kind of reassurance is more important than it was when I was in my twenties—when I was 20 pounds lighter and didn't have wrinkles starting to form around my mouth like a puppet's.

Does our relationship suffer for the lack of sex? It depends how you define relationship. Our partnership is strong. Our love for our children is strong. We have a good division of labor that ebbs and flows, but we always work together to get stuff done. Dave left his job some months ago, and we've been going to the movies on Friday afternoons; that makes me feel closer to him. But then, I've never felt un-close to him—even though the closeness doesn't lead to us hopping in the sack. In fact, I'm not even interested in having sex with Dave. I'm not attracted to him. He's not a wild-and-crazy guy who sparks my pheromones. He's the father of my kids and their soccer coach.

RELATED: How Your Sex Life Will Change The Longer You're Together

The way I see it, you meet someone when you're young, and slowly you both change, and that changes the relationship—but not necessarily in a bad way. Things are good. Dave and I have a rhythm, even if our rhythm doesn't involve sex.

Here’s a Little Inspiration to Get You Into a New Workout

Time to mix it up!

Every week, Your New Favorite Playlist introduces you to workout-worthy tunes from a different fitness brand. This week, Peloton Cycle shares a playlist it will be using during its upcoming #MEGAFHIXRIDEcrawl with its fitness-studio neighbors SLT and The Fhitting Room.

Most of the time, fitness studios aren't in the habit of sending you to their competitors. But that's exactly what the indoor-cycling studio Peloton Cycle did when it partnered with nearby fitness brands SLT and The Fhitting Room to launch its #MEGAFHIXRIDE crawl. It's like a bar crawl—but instead of going from bar to bar, you're invited to go from studio to studio during the week of August 31 to September 6. At the end of the week, everyone who's taken one class at each of the three studios (during one of the specially designated class times for the crawl) will get access to special offers.

"Each of these three workouts are really different, so the combination will challenge your body like nothing else," says Nicole Meline, who's an instructor at both Peloton and SLT. "Indoor cycling at Peloton is a strength-building, nonstop cardio party on a bike; SLT is a core-focused Pilates Megaformer sweat fest, and The Fhitting Room is no-kidding high-intensity interval strength training. We created the crawl to unite three of the most innovative studios in the city and build a tribe of sweat."

Meline won't just be teaching classes during the crawl; she'll also be participating in it herself. "I can’t wait to lure my riders to the Megaformer and see my focused Pilates clients unleash on the bike," she says. "The crawl will be the first time I take on The Fhitting Room." One of the ways she'll keep people who are brand-new to Peloton motivated is through her fun, upbeat playlists. "My formula is Heart+Soul+Funk," she says. "Lots of new riders for the crawl—so extra funk." Here's the mix she plans to use in one of the classes next week:

RELATED: A Playlist to Help You Work Your Whole Body

You can download the playlist on Spotify. Not ready to sweat this second? Sample some of the songs:

Peloton, SLT, and The Fhitting Room are located in New York City.

5 Unexpected Sunburn Remedies

These simple, affordable solutions are lifesavers for when you’re all out of aloe.

The post 5 Unexpected Sunburn Remedies appeared first on SELF.