The candles are lit. The Jason Derulo playlist is cued up. After X number of dates where you’ve flirted back and forth, you and this dude are ready to take the next step. So, it kind of sucks when his penis responds to its invitation to the party with a “Nah, y’all have fun. I’m gonna chill here.”
Dysfunction of the junk-tion is embarrassing for any guy, but it can be just as tough for you to handle, too. Here are a few tips on how best to navigate the situation.
On your end, there’s really no reason to ask this question. Either it has happened before and then you’re left thinking about him with other ladies or this is the first time and you think, “Oh my god, I broke him!” (You haven’t. He probably just had too much whiskey).
And to him, that question isn’t going to resolve the situation. If the problem is that he’s too in his head, forcing him to catalog his sexual history will only make it worse. People get off on some unique things, but existential rabbit holes about manliness are not one of them.
Erectile dysfunction has nothing to do with you as a person or a partner. No man has ever thought, “Hm, I wanna have sex with that girl. I just hope I want to have sex with her enough that my penis gets hard.” That disparity simply does not exist. If you guys have made it all the way to the bedroom while “Talk Dirty” is playing, he’s down—even if his penis is too.
Instead of asking what’s wrong or why it’s wrong, talk about what you or him might be able to do in order to fix the situation. “Would it help if I [insert sexy thing that you are comfortable doing]?” is just about the best thing a girl can say in the situation.
Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, a more open-ended, “What can I do to help?” would suffice. (Just know that he’s probably going to ask for a blow job.)
If you’re using condoms and the guy is having trouble, it’s not unlikely for him to blame it on the contraceptive. Check if maybe there’s another style of condom he’d prefer, but don’t immediately chastise him for trying to get out of wearing one. He’s probably just complaining and fully understands the importance of condoms as much as you do.
That being said, don’t let him use this as an excuse to get out of wearing one. Whining about condoms is annoying—but not as annoying as a two-year-old.
More from Women's Health:
4 Things Your Guy Can Do to Keep His Wiener Working Right
Your Guide to Dealing with an Insecure Guy
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