We’ve all been there at one point: You’re feeling a little uncertain about your skills in the bedroom or the fact that your dry spell is approaching California drought status, and next thing you know, you’re casually perusing self-help books, looking for answers and finding mostly questions—namely who the hell would ever buy these? In the name of all things ridiculous, here, for your reading pleasure, are 10 of the craziest sex self-help book titles that are sure to make you feel at least a little less embarrassed about that dry spell.
1. Men Are So Easy: How To Tame Men Until They Will Eat Out of Your Hand And not Bite In Ten Easy Lessons by Michelle Riley
Wait...are we talking about a man or a feral goat?
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2. How to Manage Your Dick: Redirect Sexual Energy and Discover Your More Spiritually Enlightened, Evolved Self by Sean O’Reilly
One way to manage him might be dumping him as soon as he buys this book.
3. Sex after 70: blank journal sketchbook (Volume 3) by Iron Ring Publishing
Just so we have this right...there are already two volumes of blank books about sex after 70? That’s just rude.
4. The Mystery of the Undercover Clitoris: Orgasmic Fingertip Touching Every Woman Craves by Sadie Allison
So that's why guys have trouble finding it—it's wearing a trench coat and a giant hat. Still, that lesson in anatomy should be pretty elementary.
5. Dirty Talk Examples: Talk Dirty In A Way That Makes Your Partner Horny And Beg For Sex Tonight! by Marcus A.
Technically, it should be “begging,” but whatever, it’s not like it’s a book on speaking correctly or anything.
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6. Love: ...it's like glitter for your soul! by Kathie Holmes
This book is like a bedazzled scrunchie for your brain—not to be seen in public under absolutely any circumstances.
7. sEX MORMON: Sex, adolescence, and getting it on under the influence of Mormonism by Chris Lewis
Welp. This is all of the wrong.
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8. Tickle My Tush: Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty by Sadie Allison
Back up, back up. Keep your puns off my booty.
9. How Thinking About Sex Helps You Write Essays: From How to be a Knowledge Ninja by Graham Allcott
We’d like to see an essay on why this author believed this title made sense.
10. What Men Want: Secrets Revealed For Women Who Want To Please Their Man by Guy Love
Because everyone knows men are remaining tight-lipped about what they want in bed. Also, we don't buy anything written by someone who actually chooses “Guy Love” as their pen name.
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