If you're a straight woman, chances are you might think penises are pretty great. Unfortunately, one might not always be available when you need it. Not to worry: We scoured the Internet for the cutest, cuddliest, and most random man-part substitutes we could find for just about any occasion. Whether you're looking for a unique bachelorette party gift—or you simply want to show your appreciation for male anatomy—check out these nine awesome penis products. (Oh yeah, and none of them are sex toys.)
1. Penis Wine Bottle Cozies
For those nights when it's just you, Netflix, and a bottle of vino.
$13 each (sets available), crochetcocks.com
2. Vintage Flying Penis Charm
This adorable flying penis charm necklace is sure to be a conversation starter, but it’s still discreet enough to blend in with your regular jewelry.
$15, etsy.com
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3. Half Dozen Neon Penis Cookies
Finally, a penis you can really sink your teeth into! These neon cookies make awesome bachelorette party favors.
$19, naughtycookiebox.com
4. Wooden Lamp
If this suggestively-shaped lamp doesn't set the mood, we don't know what will.
$14, etsy.com
5. Leather Penis Puzzle
This is a perfect pastime for a ladies' night in. It also makes for a pretty cool boudoir decoration.
$88, etsy.com
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6. Petey the Penis Plush
Sometimes you just really want to cuddle with an adorable smirking penis, right?
$40, etsy.com
7. There's Just Something Funny About Penis Throw Pillow
There's nothing like some penis scribbles to really tie a room together.
$20, redbubble.com
RELATED: 7 Ways to Wear, Cuddle with, and Wash Yourself with Your Vagina
8. Silver Penis Pendant
This phallic pendant has a little pull in the back that allows you to give it an erection. Charming!
$69, etsy.com
9. Penis Crayon Set
Another fun bachelorette party idea, these penis-shaped crayons are perfect for a naughty game of Win, Lose, or Draw.
$6, etsy.com
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