One Man Pleads His Case for the Missionary Position

Is it underrated?

The first time I ever had sex, it started and ended in the missionary position.

And the most recent time I had sex, it started and ended in the missionary position. (But this time it lasted more than 30 seconds and there were other positions in between, so go me! Digital high-five!)

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In my dozen or so years of semi-active fornication, I have never once drifted far from missionary or lost my zest and adoration for the position that is easily—at present—the most underrated position out there, what with kids these days and all their “reverse cowgirl” and their “stand-up doggy style” or whatever. (When I was their age, I was walking uphill five miles both ways to have sex in the missionary position!) I’m not saying those other positions don’t have their rightful place in one’s coital arsenal, but I think that just because you get a little complicated as you gain experience doesn’t mean you should stop relying on the basics that got you to where you are today, you know?

In recent times, the missionary position has garnered a lackluster reputation. Dudes seem down on it to the point that they want to disregard it almost completely, and I’m here to say that’s a mistake. I’m not here to say that missionary has to be your favorite position in the world, but I am here to say that it definitely deserves a spot in your position lineup.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. Missionary is one of the best positions for eye contact. And eye contact is one of the best, most intimate things about sex. I mean, even if you’re having sex with someone you just met at a bar or something and you’re comfortable enough to get naked together, you should be able to look each other in the eyes, for god’s sake.

2. It’s also one of the best positions for kissing during sex. Who doesn’t like to kiss often during sex (unless it’s morning sex and neither of you have yet brushed your teeth)? It’s like porn (and Pretty Woman) have desensitized us to how absolutely amazing it is to make out while you’re makin’ the Two-Backed Beast. (Additionally, you can’t say you’re making the Two-Backed Beast in most positions that aren’t missionary! And that’s just a fun term to use.)

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3. It’s a perfect position for (some) girls to concentrate on getting off, which I’m told is not always that easy to do. I guess a lot of guys have beef with missionary because they say they’re “doing all the work” or whatever. But why shouldn’t they be doing the work, at least for some of the time? Nobody ever said you had to spend the entire sexual session in missionary position, you know. You can switch it up. And you should, otherwise your abs are going to be sore in the morning if you’re not in very great core shape. (I speak from experience.)

4. It shows your ability to control the sexual situation. This goes in the same vein as the fact that the guy should be doing at least some of the work most of the time whilst in the sack. Sure, it’s nice when the girl is on top, but don’t you want to be able to pat her on the back and tell yourself that your thrusting helped her achieve orgasm, as opposed to her just being on top of you and gyrating while you do nothing except internally ruminate on how awesome sex is?

5. It’s a fantastic position for you to glance down and see what's actually happening. Which is super arousing. I sometimes like to take a look down to the genitals and see the whole in-and-out of it all so I can marvel about how fortunate I am in that moment to be getting laid and how amazing it is that such simple thrusting movements can feel better than pretty much anything else in the entire world.

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6. It’s a bona fide classic! It’s probably the oldest sexual position in the book. Most anyone who has ever had sex has had it in missionary position. In fact, I’d bet it’s the first position you’ve ever tried in your life, unless of course you lost your virginity in the back of your parents' sedan, where it just made logistical sense for the girl to be on top. You shouldn’t forget about the classics. They’ve been around so long for good reason.

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Scott Muska is a writer in New York City. You can follow him on Twitter @scottmuska or e-mail him at srm5082@gmail.com.