As lovely as watching two people unite for life may be, the arrival of wedding season also means making travel arrangements, finding the best dress, and choosing your gift early enough that you're not stuck plunking down $400 for a crystal bowl. Point being, it's stressful. You know what happens to be a great stress-reliever? Sex. Luckily enough, a wedding is the perfect place to get some. "Everyone's looking their very best," says sex therapist Tom Murray, Ph.D. "Once you throw in some alcohol, you have the social lubricant. Then you get on the dance floor, and things can just progress."
The overwhelming emotions don't hurt. "You're caught up in unusual circumstances where everything is focused on the excitement, happiness, and romance of it all," says Jane Greer, Ph.D., author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. "You get wrapped up in wanting to feel and participate in some of that romance." If you're intrigued by the thought of a wedding one-night stand, no need to pull Wedding Crashers-level stunts to get a guy on board. Instead, try these steps.
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If you're going into a wedding knowing that you want to have a one-off, your outfit can help you get into the right mindset. Sport lingerie that boosts your confidence up to bombshell levels and a dress that makes you look good but feel even better. Even more than showing off a bit of cleavage or aiming for a dress with a low-V back, pick whichever silhouette makes you feel sexiest, whether that's body-con or a skirt with a flirty flip.
You see someone you like? Feel free to go up to him and strike up a conversation about your surroundings, or beckon him over with lots of eye contact. Now isn't the time for too much subtlety, says Murray—remember, you've only got the night. Once you're chatting, work in some light touching, whether it's bumping your leg into his when you're sitting next to each other or grabbing his arm when you realize you're both fans of Game of Thrones. Don't psych yourself out by thinking you're coming on too strong. "Go with your gut if you find someone interested and are feeling turned on," says Greer. "I's all about the moment." And while a little liquid courage can help you feel more comfortable, don't get totally plastered. "You don't want to have a one-night stand because you're out of control or drunk," she says.
It varies from wedding to wedding, but the reception is likely your best bet. You've had some time to exchange hot glances and talk a bit, and the opportunity to dance together often takes the sexual tension up a notch. "Dancing, from an evolutionary perspective, can often be a form of sexual expression," says Murray. Think of every shimmy of your hips as a way to win him over just a bit more, and definitely take advantage of the chance to get some more touching in: Put your hands against his chest, drape your arms around his neck, guide his hands to your hips, etc. Most important, the reception is so often busy that people won't notice if you two head off to do your own thing, which is what you want. "If you're in the wedding party, be sure you've fulfilled all your responsibilities and aren't going to just disappear," says Greer.
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"For men, there's a desire to pursue," says Murray. To capitalize on that instinct while still making your interest clear, pair a low-key conversational come-on with all that physical flirting. "Ask him if he'd like to go somewhere more private to talk," says Murray. You're making it obvious that you'd like to be alone, but he'll still feel like he has a chance to impress you before the action beings. After you've talked for a bit in private, chances are he'll make a move.
One thing that makes wedding one-night stands so sexy is the chance you might get in trouble. "I'm not recommending you put yourself at legal risk, but there's a rush at the thought of potentially being caught," says Murray. At the same time, you shouldn't actually leave yourselves open to getting found out. Something like a coat closet without a lot of foot traffic (but definitely with a lock) is the best of both worlds. A few places to avoid: a church or temple if that's where the wedding is or in the bedroom of the bride, groom, or their family members if it's a home wedding. Bottom line: Be discreet, says Greer.
While this part has the potential to be awkward, it doesn't need to be. "Say something like, 'I'm just checking that we're good to go, sex-wise—is there anything I need to know about you physically?'" says Greer. If that feels too intense, at the very least, come prepared with condoms (and dental dams if you want some oral action). Your putting on a condom can be a sort of foreplay, if you think about it: Even though it may be through a rubber, you're still touching his penis. Murray also suggests you handle the condom application because then you'll know it's on correctly.
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"If you leave first, you're in control," says Murray. "It can help to treat it somewhat like a business exchange, as strange as that sounds. You got what you needed, he got what he needed, and now you can head out." Plus, leaving first makes it feel even more secret and covert, knowing he's still in there and waiting until the coast is clear. Hot.
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The term "one-night stand" originated as a circus term, says Murray. People would use it when a circus was coming into town and they'd stay one night. "That phrasing reiterates the fun, playful quality of a one-night stand," he says. To keep up that vibe, avoid sharing tons of intimate details about your life or overthinking what it all means. You don't have to flat-out say you don't want anything serious; hooking up in a coat closet often gets the message across, and preemptively blurting that out can ruin the mood. But if he stops you to get your contact information, certainly feel free to break the rules of one-night-stand land and give it to him if it was a truly transcendental experience. If you want to keep it to just that one night, explain that you had fun but aren't looking for anything serious. After all, all's fair in love, war, and wedding one-night stands.
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