Writer E.L. James just announced she’s coming out with another novel in her saga, called Grey, which will be essentially the same story, except told from Christian Grey’s perspective instead of Anastasia Steele’s.
I assume the book will give some insight into why Christian was all about bondage and submission—though those insights will be fictional and will be coming from the mind of a middle-aged woman.
So I asked some real live guys to anonymously share what they thought about BDSM, if they’d ever had any experience with any BDSM fetishes, and if they were curious about it and/or open to trying it.
“I’d been curious about it for a while, I guess. That’s why I agreed to go see the Fifty Shades of Grey movie with my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. She didn’t know I was already fine with doing some of that stuff with her if she wanted to, so she thought the movie might get me in the mood to try some of it. We did afterward. It was fine, nothing too amazing, really. But we didn’t get too crazy with it. I think it was light BDSM. Just some rope and handcuffs, stuff like that. No flogging or leather bodysuits or anything.”
“I’ve never done it. The chance hasn’t really come up, but I don’t think I want to try it. I’m a little bit worried I’d like it too much or something, to be honest, because I’ve always been kind of a control freak. Why do you think I work as a project manager?”
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“At first, I was hesitant. I’d been dating a girl for a while, and she wanted to give it a try. It seemed unnecessary to me, but I didn’t want to p*ssy out, so one night we did. We’ve done it a few times since, and we both really like it, but it hasn’t become something we have to do to enjoy one another sexually. More like a special treat that involves handcuffs and a lot of role-play.”
“It seems a little weird to me, to be honest. Both of my parents raised me to be very gentlemanly and a little bit old-fashioned, and I feel like most things that would be defined as BDSM are too out there for me. I guess a lot of people might be drawn to it because they’re sick of all the old-school societal and sexual things, but I don’t think it’d do it for me. But if someone I loved really wanted to try it, I’d be down to discuss it. And I’d probably…I don’t know, dabble?”
“When Fifty Shades of Grey got really popular, I was curious about BDSM. So I found some porn and watched it, but it didn’t do anything for me. I can count on my right hand how many times I’ve watched porn and not masturbated to it, and that was one of those times. It just seems unnecessary. There was nothing about it that really turned me on. I will say, though, that I haven’t ever been with someone long enough to get to the point where we feel like we need to do something to spice things up in the bedroom. I guess when I get to that point, my mind might change.”
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“I’ve done it a lot, so yeah, I like it. I was curious for a while, and I brought it up with a girl I was seeing. She was curious, too, and we decided to buy some toys and give it the old college try. It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly turns me on about it, but it’s probably that it’s a role you’re playing, and it’s an escape. There’s nothing submissive or dominant about our relationship outside of the bedroom, so it’s nice to act like we’re other people every once in a while. I’ve had some serious orgasms doing light BDSM.”
“I’m curious about it in some ways, but not in the way that I’m turned on by it or want to try it. I think there are probably a lot of psychological implications that go with wanting to do BDSM and actually going through with it, to the point that if I did I don’t think I’d be able to enjoy it. I’d probably fixate too much on what it meant in the grand scheme of things.”
“I have never tried it, but I’ll try anything once. That’s especially if I was with someone who wanted it. If it turns her on, I’ll give it a shot and hope that it turns me on, too.”
“Dude, I’m really curious about BDSM. I’ve never done it, but I’d really like to. I feel like it has to be awesome because so many women have gone crazy over [the Fifty Shades of Grey] books. I’ve heard they’re horribly written, so there has to be something to the actual content, right? It’s not like people are reading them because the author is the next coming of James Joyce.”
“The first time I did BDSM, it was with a girl who had done it before and was totally into stuff like that. She owned a sex swing and everything. That first time, I did it just to do it. So I guess you can say I was curious. It’s like how you want to try anal at least once, just to see what all the fuss is about. I’ve done it a few times since, and I like it. I’m not a freak about it or anything. I don’t go to those weird bondage parties, but it’s cool to get out of your sexual comfort zone.”
“I was dating a girl, and we watched the Fifty Shades of Grey movie together one night. I don’t know what some of the things they did in that movie would be like in real life, but I couldn’t take it seriously on the screen. I kept laughing during the sex scene because it all just seemed kind of ridiculous and campy.”
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