When it comes to announcing happy news, like engagments, new jobs, and babies on board, we usually want to shout it from the rooftops (or at least all over Facebook and Instagram). But what happens when the good news unexpectedly becomes tragic? In the case of pregnancies, many women have been told that they shouldn't tell people until they are past the "danger zone" of the first 12 weeks. The idea is that, if a miscarriage happens, no one needs to know about it (or be made to feel uncomfortable).
However, as more and more women (from Beyoncé to Mark Zuckerberg's wife) come forward and talk about their miscarriages, this experience is beginning to emerge from the shadows as something women shouldn't be ashamed of or afraid to openly discuss.
Along the same lines, many women are forsaking the 12-week rule and announcing their pregnancies ealier than they ever would have in the past, with the understanding that if something goes wrong, they might have to share that news, too.
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We reached out to several women about how they knew it was the right time to publicly announce their pregnancies. Here's what they had to say.
“It was my reality, and I didn’t see any reason to conceal it. I told all my close friends ASAP, and whenever I happened to talk to other friends, I let them know. I also believe in telling because if I had miscarried, I would want people to know. I think it’s important not to hide that because it shouldn’t have a stigma. I have friends who miscarried and felt so alone, like they couldn’t tell anyone—and it was something to be ashamed of.” —Molly T.
“The first time, I waited until about the end of my first trimester to tell most people besides immediate family. I was just nervous because I had never been pregnant before and didn’t want to take any chances. I was more laid back with my second baby but had a miscarriage after that. I’m now pregnant again and wanted to make sure all of my initial tests came back okay before telling people.” —Katie H.
“I tried to wait to tell people, but it just didn’t work out that way, especially since I’ve always been a drinker—so people figured it out pretty quickly. I didn’t care, though. I was so excited, and I wanted to share that excitement with the people around me.” —Sara M.
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“I was really open about wanting to get pregnant, and when I found out that I was, I was at home alone. I called my husband, my parents, and my best friends, in that order. I wasn’t about to experience that exciting—and kind of scary—news alone.” —Beth S.
“With my first child, I told everyone right away. But I waited with my second because we used IVF and I didn’t believe that it had truly worked, even when I saw the little bean with the heartbeat multiple times. It all felt too good to be true, and I didn’t believe it was real. I waited until he started looking like a real human, around 13 to 14 weeks.” —Julie M.
“We waited to tell people until I was almost five months pregnant. We were living far from our parents and wanted to tell them first—and in person instead of over the phone or e-mail. I was still pretty small, so I could get away with it. It was fun keeping it a secret from friends and coworkers!” —Emily F.
“We waited both times until around 12 weeks because of the fear of miscarriage, especially since I actually had one after my first child. I’ve seen so many people announce it early just to have to unannounce it later.” —Laura T.
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