When Being Mortified in Front of Your Guy Is Actually a GOOD Thing

In certain cases, it can boost your bond.

I’ve always been good at sports. Not to brag (okay, kind of), but the first time I ever played softball, I hit a double. I also beat all the boys in middle school gym class the first time I ran a mile and managed to have a few volleys when I first picked up a tennis racket.

So when my husband Chris’ rec league beach volleyball team asked me to help them out at the last minute when they were a player short, I figured I’d have the same kind of luck. Never mind that I didn’t know the rules, wasn’t dressed for the role, or that the last time I’d touched a volleyball was...um...elementary school? Never? I’d be fine.

It was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life—and I’ve given birth in a room full of people. Every time I touched the ball, it went waaay out of bounds or directly into the net. I even missed a volley at one point and took a ball straight to the face. I screwed up every single time I touched (or tried to touch) the ball.

It got so bad, the other team started aiming for me. “Hey, guys, cover for Korin,” one of Chris’s teammates said. I wanted the sand to open up and swallow me whole. And Chris witnessed the whole thing.

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Okay, yes, we’re married, and we’ve been together for ages. But I’ve never really embarrassed myself in front of Chris. I mean, I once fell in front of him while trying to get onto a ski lift and did my best beached whale impersonation while the lift operator attempted to rescue me, but that was funny.

To his credit, Chris was really sweet about the experience. He thanked me profusely for “helping” his team out (we lost within eight minutes), talked up my other athletic achievements to his teammates (who probably laughed their butts off about the whole thing), and joked about how we're going to practice on the sly until I become the next Kerri Walsh Jennings.

I’m still dying inside over it.

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But despite my trauma, licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., says being embarrassed in front of your S.O. can actually be a good thing for your relationship.

She explains it this way: You’re vulnerable when you’re embarrassed, and vulnerability allows your relationship to grow into a deeper and unconditional love. Essentially, if you can love each other when you’re at your lamest, you’re golden.

I’m definitely guilty of that. Chris knows that I’m not perfect, but I still want him to think that I’m as awesome as possible. I wear cute things to bed, throw on makeup every day, and have never farted in front of him (that I’ll admit to).

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Being a sweaty, sand-covered mess who sucks at beach volleyball doesn’t line up with my master plan to appear as perfect as possible. But Durvasula says I could stand to be a little more vulnerable.

One, it helps Chris to feel comfortable with being vulnerable, too. And two, the more we do it with each other, the closer and more unbreakable we’ll be.

So while I have no plans to ever attempt beach volleyball again (at least, not out in public), it’s good to know that the next time I mortify myself, I might actually be making my relationship a little stronger in the process.

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Korin Miller is a writer, SEO nerd, wife, and mom to a little 2-year-old dude named Miles. Korin has worked for The Washington Post, New York Daily News, and Cosmopolitan, where she learned more than anyone ever should about sex. She has an unhealthy addiction to gifs.